This one is #25 and you know what? They haven’t gotten much easier. Every Mother’s Day is a reminder, as if I needed one; I’m an orphan. No, it doesn’t come as a shock, but it’s an unwelcome reality. So for half of every May, like clockwork, I disappear into myself. I pull in the … Continue reading : a motherless mother’s day :
Tag: funny
: ideas rain down, too :
Just not good ones and certainly not yesterday. However, instead of being disgusted with the crappy weather, I decided to take full advantage and indulge in unabashed laziness. I didn’t even get dressed. I sat around in boxers eating Pecan Swirls all morning, Oreos all afternoon, Klondike bars all evening. By bedtime, my sweatshirt was … Continue reading : ideas rain down, too :
: the summoning :
Oh, don’t mind me. Just pretend I’m not here and go on about your business. I don’t mind being ignored. No, sir, I'd consider it a kindness and a flipping miracle. Attention gives me the willies, frankly. I’ve been trapped in the harsh, uncomfortable glare of the spotlight my entire life. Not because I’m talented … Continue reading : the summoning :
: dumb jokes not named trump :
We’re in the middle of a very long, very unfunny stretch, so we need a good laugh. That’s the purpose of dumb jokes, you know, to cheer us up. Give us a reason to smile. They’re not supposed to mill around the White House and destroy civilization. To that end, voilà: What do you call … Continue reading : dumb jokes not named trump :
: happy father’s day, mom :
Technically, I have a father. Sperm donor is more suitable, but that term raises questions and requires some explaining, so father it is. My parents, you see, divorced when I was 13 and I barely noticed. My dad hadn't figured very prominently in my day-to-day, because he had other priorities. Important things like golf, work, … Continue reading : happy father’s day, mom :
: the thing about impulsive behavior :
It's hard to resist. Like Mr. Trump, we often have trouble curbing our worst instincts. Unlike Mr. Trump, ours aren’t a threat to civilization. The planet will survive even the most ardent exhibitionists and pyromaniacs among us. But we shouldn't underestimate impulses, they’re a powerful force. Entire industries are devoted to helping us fight urges … Continue reading : the thing about impulsive behavior :
: mother is both a noun and a verb :
It was a school night, well past my bedtime. My dad was on a business trip; my sister and I were sound asleep. I was peacefully dreaming the dreams of a third grader, when my mother laid her hand on my head, ‘Lisa? I don’t want to alarm you, but the fire department is coming.’ … Continue reading : mother is both a noun and a verb :
: an urgent call for safe socks :
A moment of silence, please, to honor the billions of socks lost in our service. Lost? Who can say? Cast aside. Jilted. Whatever. It’s disgraceful how carelessly we treat socks in this world. You’ll find these once fluffy companions flattened and moldering in parking lots, plastered against washer drums in laundromats, balled up in Lost … Continue reading : an urgent call for safe socks :
the whirly girl 