The Academy Awards are this weekend, you know. And I bet you’ve seen most of the nominees, haven’t you? Well, I haven’t. I didn’t even know what movies were nominated or who was in them until I googled the list. Turns out I’m hopelessly unhip and unaware. Some might say I’m un-American for this indifference to movies and celebrity, but that’s not true.
Of the nine movies nominated, I’ve heard of four: The Artist, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, The Descendants, and The Help. Two of them were hugely popular books first, which is the reason I know of them. I heard about the third movie when it was discussed on a talk show and I saw television ads for the fourth. None of them got me atwitter, even though Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close has Tom Hanks in it. I love him.
The sad, awful truth is I like books better. Going to the movies is a lot of work, you have to take a shower, wear grown up clothes, drive to the movie theater, stand in line, spend $20 for popcorn and a Coke, then realize your shoes are stuck to the floor. Ew.
Books, well, they’re low maintenance entertainment, they go where you go. Anywhere from a bathtub to prison. Showtime is any time. And shoes are optional; heck, so are pants if you’re so inclined. If those aren’t reasons enough, you also get to cast all the parts when you read a book — you’re the director and the producer. Not some dude in a beret and goatee.
As a rule, Hollywood can’t compete with your imagination. Okay, To Kill A Mockingbird was an exception. It was equally outstanding as a movie and a book. Gone With the Wind came pretty close, as well, but the book was just too good.
Oh, and another thing: when’s the last time you got stuck watching an awards show for the publishing industry? With dancing authors swanning around in celebration of Helvetica type? Never, that’s when. They’re too shy for such gregarious behavior. I like that about them.
Even so, I’ll be among the billions watching the broadcast Sunday night. I’ll be completely lost, blinded by all the glittering jewels and cutting edge fashions on people I don’t know or recognize, but I’ll be there.
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