Here’s the thing: I made the mistake of trying to order DSL service through AT&T. What was I thinking? AT&T?!? They’re the most disorganized, inefficient, arrogant, bumbling company in the known universe. It took me five hours and seven phone calls and I’m still no closer to realizing my goal: I remain without an internet connection.
I’m pretty sure I was on the verge of an aneurysm, though — thar she blows, matey! Or a massive stroke.
Talking to AT&T, for any reason whatsoever, is only a slight improvement over talking to walls. Or teenagers. It doesn’t get any easier with practice, either. The only difference between the first phone call and the seventh was the duration. The first call was immediately disconnected, bink, while the seventh was routed and re-routed and re-re-re-re-routed to every department and every employee at AT&T. At least once, usually two or three times.
I mean, first I was sent to the Department of Dead Ends, then forwarded to Obstacles and Hurdles, then Stonewalling, Human Incompetence and Nonsensical Excuses, Contradictions, and, finally, Circular Logic, the whole round robin of departments and divisions. Each one as clueless and unhelpful as the next.
How can they remain in business with such abysmal service? AT&T is a carrier, all right, a carrier of acid reflux. Who has the patience to deal with them on a regular basis? I don’t. I can’t. I won’t.
Not only did I not order DSL, I canceled my wireless service in a fit of pique. I had to have it restored later, of course, but that’s how far those airheads pushed me. Right over the edge into Irrationalville, where the sky is brown and the flowers are wilted.
Don’t go there, I promise you won’t like it. But if you absolutely have to, make some preparations before you embark on the descent into the bowels of Hell, which is AT&T — such as pack a lunch and a fistful of Valium and a roll of Tums. They will be invaluable, keep them close at hand.
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