: don’t try this at home :

Or anywhere else for that matter.

Here’s the thing: I made the mistake of trying to order DSL service through AT&T. What was I thinking? AT&T?!? They’re the most disorganized, inefficient, arrogant, bumbling company in the known universe. It took me five hours and seven phone calls and I’m still no closer to realizing my goal: I remain without an internet connection.

I’m pretty sure I was on the verge of an aneurysm, though — thar she blows, matey! Or a massive stroke.

Talking to AT&T, for any reason whatsoever, is only a slight improvement over talking to walls. Or teenagers. It doesn’t get any easier with practice, either. The only difference between the first phone call and the seventh was the duration. The first call was immediately disconnected, bink, while the seventh was routed and re-routed and re-re-re-re-routed to every department and every employee at AT&T. At least once, usually two or three times.

I mean, first I was sent to the Department of Dead Ends, then forwarded to Obstacles and Hurdles, then Stonewalling, Human Incompetence and Nonsensical Excuses, Contradictions, and, finally, Circular Logic, the whole round robin of departments and divisions. Each one as clueless and unhelpful as the next.

How can they remain in business with such abysmal service? AT&T is a carrier, all right, a carrier of acid reflux. Who has the patience to deal with them on a regular basis? I don’t. I can’t. I won’t.

Not only did I not order DSL, I canceled my wireless service in a fit of pique. I had to have it restored later, of course, but that’s how far those airheads pushed me. Right over the edge into Irrationalville, where the sky is brown and the flowers are wilted.

Don’t go there, I promise you won’t like it. But if you absolutely have to, make some preparations before you embark on the descent into the bowels of Hell, which is AT&T — such as pack a lunch and a fistful of Valium and a roll of Tums. They will be invaluable, keep them close at hand.

Copyright © Publikworks 2012

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18 Responses to “: don’t try this at home :”

  1. Lenore Diane

    Lisa, you have such a talent for making misery sound funny. It’s a gift – or a curse.
    We use AT&T, and I have few complaints, alas – I know I am in the minority. I’m in the minority for so many things. For instance, I have not read or seen any Harry Potter books/movies. That has nothing to do with the price of fish – I realize. But this post wasn’t about the price of fish.

    Like

    • publikworks

      Thank you, Lenore. If it helps, I’ve never seen a Harry Potter movie, either, but I did read one book. However, I’ve never seen a Star Trek movie or a TV episode. Does that count?

      Like

  2. Susan

    Ah, sweetie, just unplug the phone and lie down.

    Remember when you could actually do that? Unplug the phone, that is.

    I still have a a tethered phone, with a proper cradle, just so I can slam it down on annoying callers. Punching a button is not as satisfying.

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    • publikworks

      What a wonderful suggestion, Susan. The only reason I switched to wireless initially was because it had an ‘off’ button. I like the ‘off’ button, it’s a wonderful invention — and I do make use of it. A lot.

      But, you’re right, about slamming the phone down. Punching a button is such a let down by comparison, ugh. Totally disappointing. Fun comment, though!

      Like

    • publikworks

      Isn’t that awful? It should be enshrined in the Badvertising (sorry) Hall of Fame.

      I love your gravatar, by the way. And welcome to publikworks, it’s a pleasure to hear from you : )

      Like

  3. suzymarie56

    Gosh I hate that kind of “service” if you can even call it that (which obviously you can’t). I have the same problem with my bank, the local branch is really helpful but this particular loan I have can’t be dealt with in branch. Instead I have to ring an 0845 number (very pricey) which refers me to an Indian call centre. They have NO idea who I am, what I’m doing and it’s just ridiculous that I can’t speak to someone face to face. Especially about money! I’m ranting…sorry, I just know how you feel haha. I get SO irrationally angry with them!

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    • publikworks

      Isn’t it awful how really bad service like that winds you up? I hate what I become when I talk to AT&T and I vow never to do it again. Until the next time I have to talk to them. Thank you for sharing my pain, suzymarie.

      Like

  4. Prudy

    Lisa, I feel for you. AT&T turned my eyeballs inside out and made my head combust? The Horror!!! Just like Comcast.. God help us!!! Prudy

    Like

    • publikworks

      Comcast? I can’t even think about them without raising my blood pressure. They should be banned, don’t you think?

      Like

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