: this isn’t a trick or a treat :
It’s a nightmare. Last night, while the world slept peacefully in their beds, zillions of snowflakes got together and stormed out of the sky. By daylight,…
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: the secret to happiness :
It’s three simple words and I know what they are: give zero f*cks. Those words in that order will bring you maybe not joy, but something in the joyous neighborhood, like…
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: I got greedy :
I did. Success went right straight to my head; I was drunk on power and competence. It was both life enhancing and unfamiliar. You see, I’ve tilted at more than my share of…
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: the annual fall panic :
Is there a name for the extreme fear of being cold? Yes, it’s called frigophobia and is a condition from which I suffer. I assure you, suffer is the appropriate word, as…
: surprise :
Funny story, a baked potato sparked my newest identity crisis. More surprising than the revelation itself was discovering a potato can trigger self-awareness. Isn’t that crazy?…
: how I spent Christmas night :
: back on the horse :
: all humor is based in sorrow :
: the great debate :
: i’m compensating :
Can you blame me? I’m struggling to survive here. You see, I met my annual Waterloo on Friday — the gruesome head-on collision with Fall and…
: the new leaf :
The urge to start fresh is more common to spring or the New Year, I know, but the leaf metaphor applies in autumn, too, I suppose.…
: the whirly brand :
Everyone is a brand, have you noticed? Oprah is a brand. Apple is a brand, Nike, Beyoncé, Homer Simpson — they’re all big, fancy brands, the…
: yipes, here it comes :
Autumn, with it’s cold, damp, dreary darkness, is preparing for the kill. That’s its entire purpose, you know: to murder summer. To replace our blissful radiance…
