: can someone explain the super bowl to me? :
I know, it’s a football game. A weird, lopsided ball and a bunch of guys in helmets and pads knocking each other down. Touchdowns and end…
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: today I am rich :
Me. Rich. This is not a joke. I’ve amassed a big, fat, disgusting fortune by scrimping and saving whenever and wherever I could. With careful budgeting, cutting corners here,…
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: the annual fall panic :
Is there a name for the extreme fear of being cold? Yes, it’s called frigophobia and is a condition from which I suffer. I assure you, suffer is the appropriate word, as…
: send degrees :
It’s colder in Illinois than in Antarctica. Since I don’t expect you to believe me, I’ve provided proof. ↑ There, see? ↑ Those are real time screen…
: how I spent Christmas night :
: back on the horse :
: all humor is based in sorrow :
: the great debate :
: a policy change :
When I woke up yesterday, it was 6º below zero. I opened the drapes and looked out on chimneys and floaty plumes of steam, crusty snow,…
: look, they’re not extinct :
Quite the contrary. The trusty old thesaurus ¹ is alive and well and a popular fixture on bookshelves the world over. Sadly, the same can’t be…
: how’s this for a national emergency? :
It snowed. A whole stinking bunch. All day long, frozen white crap came hurtling out of a dreary gray sky. Every stoopid flake is still out…
: if a bug drowns in your coffee, should you still drink it? :
Heck, you might as well, because ground coffee is already full of bug fragments and I’m not kidding. I wish I was, though. If you’re wondering…
